It’s 5am on the day after Christmas. The holiday was a little less hectic this year. There were less to-dos and more opportunities to be present for the people we love most and to soak in the awe and wonder of our boys. I think that’s the way Christmas was meant to be.
I’ve been awake since 3:30am laying in bed, listening to my youngest son breathe. I’m overcome with an overwhelming sense of comfort and awe and peace.
This little life, this little life with a huge personality was entrusted to Joe and I. The miracle that he is takes my breath away. His laugh, his smile, his zeal for life. That I had some part to play in him being right here, right now, brings me to my knees.
I watch how he negotiates life. This little man, with 28 months of life behind him. There is wisdom woven into his innocence. He hugs his friends when they’re sad. He jumps with joy across the room and throws his little arms around my neck and squeezes me tight. He laughs loudly and begs for more of what he wants. He doesn’t understand no and refuses to accept life – or anyone – telling him otherwise.
As I lay here and listen to him breathe, I pray – I ask God – and even beg him to help me be the kind of mom that will always embrace who this little man is and always give him permission to go for life with everything he has.
I want to be the kind of mom that never lets the busyness of being mom eclipse the sacredness of motherhood.
I want him to feel free to love deeply.
I want him to take his zeal for life and turn it into whatever brings him joy and blesses the world.
I want him to know without question that he is loved and this world is his for the taking.
I want him to own his gifts and never, ever apologize for them.
I want him to be able to walk through life with confidence knowing that the person God made him to be is enough.
Because he is. And I am. And you are. We all are.
It’s that simple. We don’t have to work so hard to be good, to get the approval of everyone around us. We have to be the person we know we were created to be, and make choices that we know are right for us. And, if like me, that means a holiday with less to-dos and more time to be present, more time to let myself soak in the sacredness of motherhood then let it be exactly that.